For many families, the school summer holidays are a time to slow down, spend time together and create memories. For separated parents, however, the long break can also bring practical and emotional challenges. Questions about where children will stay, how time will be divided, whether one parent can take a child abroad, and how costs will be shared can quickly become difficult if arrangements are left unclear.
Even where parents usually manage day-to-day contact well, the summer holidays often require more planning, flexibility and communication than term-time routines. When arrangements are approached early and with the child’s welfare at the centre, many disputes can be avoided. Where agreement is more difficult, legal advice can help parents understand their position and work towards a constructive resolution.
Start Discussions Early
The most effective way to reduce holiday disputes is to start planning as early as possible. Leaving arrangements until the end of term can create unnecessary pressure, particularly where parents need to arrange annual leave, travel, childcare or time with wider family.
Parents should aim to agree:
- Where the children will stay and when
- Pick-up and drop-off times
- Travel arrangements
- Holidays abroad or trips within the UK
- How the children will communicate with the other parent while away
- Who will hold passports and travel documents
- Letters of authority for the children to travel, if necessary
- How additional holiday costs will be managed
Even if arrangements have worked in previous years, they may need to be reviewed as children get older, school commitments change or each parent’s work and family circumstances evolve.
Keep the Focus on the Child
In any child arrangements issue, the child’s welfare should be the central consideration. Practical convenience for parents is important, but the primary focus should be what is safe, stable and in the child’s best interests.
Cafcass guidance encourages parents to think carefully about their child’s needs, wishes and feelings, while recognising that children may feel pressure not to appear disloyal to either parent. It also encourages parents to maintain positive communication where possible and to use tools such as parenting plans to support child-focused decision-making.
For younger children, long periods away from one parent may need to be approached gradually. For older children, schoolwork, friendships, activities and their own views may become more relevant. The right arrangement will depend on the individual child and family circumstances.
Put Arrangements in Writing
Even where parents have a good relationship, it is sensible to record holiday arrangements in writing. This does not need to be overly formal. A clear email, shared calendar or written parenting plan can help avoid misunderstandings later.
Written arrangements should include dates, times, locations, travel details and any agreement about contact during the holiday. If a parent is travelling abroad with a child, it is particularly important to ensure that consent and documentation are dealt with in advance.
GOV.UK guidance explains that parents can make child arrangements themselves, use mediation, or apply for a court order if they cannot agree. It also directs parents towards creating a child arrangements plan where possible.
Be Clear About Holidays Abroad
Taking a child abroad can be a particular source of disagreement. Issues may arise around passports, destination, travel dates, safety, costs or whether the other parent has given permission.
Where both parents have parental responsibility, one parent will usually need the consent of everyone else with parental responsibility before taking a child abroad, unless a court order provides otherwise. If there is a Child Arrangements Order stating that the child lives with one parent, that parent may usually take the child abroad for up to 28 days without the other parent’s consent, unless the order says otherwise. However, parents should always check the terms of any order and seek advice where there is uncertainty.
To reduce tension, the travelling parent should provide clear information in good time, including destination, flight details, accommodation, emergency contact information and return dates. This can help reassure the other parent and reduce the risk of last-minute disputes.
Respect Existing Court Orders
If there is already a Child Arrangements Order in place, parents should check what it says about school holidays, travel and handovers. Some orders include specific holiday provisions, while others only deal with ordinary term-time arrangements.
If the order is unclear or no longer works for the family, parents should not simply ignore it. They may be able to agree temporary variations between themselves, but it is sensible to record any agreement in writing. If a longer-term change is needed, legal advice may be required.
The Child Arrangements Programme is designed to help families reach safe and child-focused agreements where possible outside court, while also providing a route for court involvement where agreement cannot be reached.
Communicate Calmly and Practically
Holiday disputes often escalate because communication becomes emotional, rushed or unclear. Parents should try to keep messages practical, focused on the child and limited to the arrangements being discussed. It can help to avoid blame-based language and instead use neutral wording such as:
- “I would like to agree the summer holiday dates by the end of next week so that we can both make plans.”
- “Please can we confirm passport arrangements and travel details before the end of term?”
- “I think it would help to put the agreed dates in writing so there is no confusion.”
Cafcass notes that positive communication after separation can help children adjust and reduce the impact of parental conflict.
Consider Mediation Where Agreement Is Difficult
If parents cannot agree, mediation may help them work through practical issues in a structured environment. Mediation can be particularly useful where parents broadly want to cooperate but are struggling with communication, trust or specific details.
Mediation is not suitable in every case, particularly where there are safeguarding concerns or domestic abuse issues. However, where appropriate, it can help parents avoid the cost, stress and delay of court proceedings. Parents may also benefit from taking early legal advice alongside mediation, so they understand their rights, responsibilities and options before reaching an agreement.
Avoid Using Children as Messengers
Children should not be placed in the middle of adult disagreements. Asking a child to pass messages, choose between parents or manage the emotional impact of a disagreement can be damaging and unfair.
Where possible, arrangements should be discussed directly between parents or through solicitors, mediators or parenting communication tools. Children can be listened to in an age-appropriate way, but they should not be made responsible for resolving conflict.
Plan for Flexibility
Even the clearest holiday arrangements may need some flexibility. Travel delays, illness, work commitments and family events can all affect plans. A cooperative approach can help reduce tension when unexpected issues arise.
That said, flexibility should not mean uncertainty. Parents should still be clear about what has been agreed and communicate any proposed changes as early as possible.
When to Seek Legal Advice
Legal advice may be particularly important where:
- One parent refuses to agree holiday arrangements
- A parent wants to take a child abroad and consent is disputed
- Passports or travel documents are being withheld
- An existing Child Arrangements Order is unclear or being breached
- There are safeguarding concerns
- Communication has broken down
- Urgent arrangements are needed before travel
- A longer-term variation to child arrangements may be required
Early advice can often help parents understand their options before the situation escalates. In some cases, a solicitor’s letter or structured negotiation may be enough to resolve the issue. In others, an application to court may be necessary.
Final Thoughts
The summer holidays should be a positive time for children, not a source of avoidable conflict. For separated parents, the key is to plan early, communicate clearly and keep the child’s welfare at the centre of every decision.
Where arrangements are straightforward, a written plan may be enough. Where matters are more complex, timely legal advice can provide clarity and help parents move forward in a constructive way.
Seddons GSC’s Family team provides sensitive and strategic advice on child arrangements, divorce, financial settlements and wider family matters.